I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
