Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
