i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
