Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
