Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
