I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found puke in my bra..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
