In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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