He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
