shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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