Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize