Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
