My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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