Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
