Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
did i just pee glitter
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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