just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
