We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
