My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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