I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize