I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
