i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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