Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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