if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
