well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
