the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
