you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
