just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
