He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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