tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
