just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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