my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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