Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
