judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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