thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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