it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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