she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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