He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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