there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
