It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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