I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
