Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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