Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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