Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
