my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
