Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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