just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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