I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
