We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
