HIV tests are more positive than that guy
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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