I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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