Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
