No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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