Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
