Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
