My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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