I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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