note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
