I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
