theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize