when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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