Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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