I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
