so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
