my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize