I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
