I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
