At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
