I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
