just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
