wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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