my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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