I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
birth control should be required to get into college
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
