i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
