I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
