I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
