She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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