So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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