it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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