yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
