Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Michael Bay diarrhea
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
