Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck appropriateness.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
