he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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