I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
