I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
