Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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