Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
