I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
