I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
