I'm eating all of the evidence.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
