All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
