She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry about my life...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
