you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
