Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
