I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
