good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
