You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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