So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
