I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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