It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize